Here I go again, I´m going to quit another job. It´s a step up as at least I'm not getting fired.
The year I got into a deep depression I got fired from five jobs, it was something new as I was usually the one who quit the job. I've never been able to stay in the same company for more than six months, as I always have the feeling of being trapped or I get incredibly obsessed about something, and working in the same place becomes unbearable.
And after a long time trying to understand myself, I've learned that I can be easily triggered when working in Hospitality, granted that took me a lot of jobs to confirm it, but finally, I got what's wrong with me. My traumas make it hard for me to work in that kind of environment, and it's fine. Not everybody is made for all types of jobs.
I used to think that changing my job was a good thing as I was always striving for something better, but to be honest I was just running away. Running away from commitment and the impostor syndrome. Let me explain myself:
When I say running away from the commitment I mean that when I was younger I was always afraid of getting stuck in a job I hated, even though I knew that I needed to stay enough time to make money and move on or in the best case, make up my mind about what to do with my life.
And about the impostor syndrome, I've always felt like I'm not good enough, that's the reason why even for jobs I hate I've educated myself, and now at 31 years old, I'm full of "useless knowledge", and keep struggling about giving myself enough credit.
So, this is usually the Molotov Cocktail in my head after two months on a job, I start worrying about being able to perform, then I master it and feel out of control when I get given more responsibilities. I got promoted from two jobs before I fell into depression, but of course, I quit them.
But now, bearing in mind that I'm just not able to do this type of job had changed the way I approach my job's seeking.
Life got really complicated for the last year as I went back to my hometown to recover from my depression and surprise... Where I'm from, the Canary Islands, hospitality is the biggest industry, so somehow I drew ever deeper myself, I didn't know it at the time. I was just trying to make money to be able to keep going, and it worked as now we're leaving striving for a better life, of course not working on hospitality.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with working in hospitality if you have the mindset for these jobs. It's like any other job, you need the skills and mindset to it or you'll be miserable. It can happen to any worker, it doesn't matter the field I've come across very unhappy teachers or doctors.
My personal experience has taught me that I need to be a hundred per cent honest with myself when it comes to a job. I need to make money, that comes without saying, and unluckily my CV is oriented to Hospitality, I'm working to change it looking for a better future, as I don't want to put up and be frustrated all my life while I just pay the bills and hope for something better.
This might sound like I'm a very ambitious person, and in my own way I'm when m mind is in the right place, but that's not every day so as every human being, I'm full of contradictions, I just try to remember to myself that I deserve a good life and I can work for it, the limit is the sky. It just gets hard to believe when you've grown up in a tough environment and being a cook or a waiter in a hotel was like a great job, but you can't do it so it leaves you in nowhere's land.
Then again, I appreciate people who work in hospitality and are real professionals, I just can't cope with those jobs.
Comments
Post a Comment