Skip to main content

WORKING AND DEPRESSION

 


MARCH 20, 2023

I'm planning to stop taking medication after the Summer and see how I get on with everything, I'm scared as fuck, as I don't want to go back to the abysm, that's what I call my depression, this last year had been one of the worst years of my life.
 
I haven't been able to keep a job for more than three weeks, I wasn't this bad when I was a teenager, I used to quit those jobs I didn't like but rarely get fired, but since I started this journey I got fired from five jobs in a year, it's a lot, and as I said before I tend to focus on the wrong, so I blamed the pills for it, thankfully my psychiatrist told me that probably the pills were the least of my problems, she was right, of course.
 
But, I still trying to make sense of the fact that when I decided to face my demons I wasn't able to work, at least to keep a job. I've been suffering anxiety my entire life, and somehow I've been able to be functional, not have the best mental health in the World and struggling a lot, but I was able to work, have social interactions, and meet new people, but then depression is another story. It really makes you unable,
 
I lost my filter when I started to take medication, somehow I felt like I needed to get rid of all that wrecked my head, and it doesn't work when you work in hospitality.
 
Now, I'm working as a cook in a hotel, a very stressful job, but I'm quite able to do it, it's the structure that helps me to go through and that's something I've learned during this journey, I can't cope with uncertainty, that's the reason of my anxiety, and what's life about? Uncertainty.
 
You can get yourself ready and try your hardest but sometimes things don't work out, and that has been this last year for me, I tried hard in every job but I ended up getting fired, now I think that I'm alright, but of course, I still being suspicious about how long this is going to last, and that's something I need to learn to live with, not leaving my anxiety to take over my life.
 
Today I had the last visit with the psychiatrist, and she was happy about my progress.
 
I've gone quite far from the first time I saw her, and now I have to continue on my own.


How to Deal With Anxiety at Work 
https://www.verywellmind.com/cope-with-generalized-anxiety-disorder-at-work-4125397

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beyond the Birthday Cake: Facing My Fears at 33

I’m getting bitter and scarier, or what means the same: older.  I’m turning 33 quite too soon. It hit me like a birthday cake in the face. One minute I was the youngest at work, the next  I’m staring down at the fact I could be the father of half of my workmates.  I might be feeling depressed about getting older as it forces me to face that I haven't figured out what I want to do with my life yet. Part of me still feels like that ambitious 19-year-old ready to conquer the world, but the rest? Well, let's just say my resume tells a different story - a string of entry-level jobs that leave me feeling stuck into the loop of anxiety, frustration, overwhelmingness, quitting and starting again. Recently, I decided to hit the pause button on this career treadmill. Anxiety had become a constant companion, and the cycle of "just keep going" wasn't working anymore. Even though I need to take a minute to get my head straight and everyone is saying that’s the best I can do, t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Chasing Sunshine: Facing Our Demons on the Road

The idea of a fresh start often holds immense allure. We picture ourselves basking in metaphorical sunshine, leaving behind the troubles that plagued us in our familiar surroundings. But as the saying goes, "The grass is always greener on the other side." This proverb holds a powerful truth: sometimes, the challenges we face are internal, and no amount of external change can truly solve them. This was the lesson my partner and I learned firsthand during a recent relocation to Spain. We naively believed a change of scenery would magically cure our struggles – my depression and his anxiety. Initially, the sunshine and new environment did have a positive impact. I felt a surge of energy, and socializing and work became easier. However, this honeymoon phase didn't last. Our internal demons, like unwelcome travel companions, decided to join us on this adventure. My partner, stuck in a job that didn't utilize his talents, grew increasingly frustrated. This negativity c...
Post a Comment
Read more

Taking a Mental Health Day: It's Okay

  Let's be honest, mornings aren't always sunshine and rainbows. Today? Today was a straight-up "hit the snooze button ten times" kind of day. Three measly hours of sleep left me feeling like a zombie with a spinning head. The guilt monster started whispering in my ear as I texted my partner about bailing on work. Thankfully, he was his usual awesomeness and replied by being supportive and understanding. But here's the thing: guilt can be a sneaky little bugger. Even with a supportive partner, I couldn't shake the feeling of letting myself down. "Should I just power through?" I thought. "Is this what everyone else does?" Ugh. Maybe it was the recent burst of that "new job, new beginnings" bubble. Turns out, the reality wasn't quite the picture-perfect dream. Same work drama, just with passive-aggressive sprinkles instead of open hostility. Not exactly a recipe for workplace zen. Then there's the ever-present battle with...
Post a Comment
Read more