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MY ADDICTION AND ME




So how it started, 

I was hanging out with a new friend and she used to love going to the casino. For the most part, I found it boring and pointless because I thought it was a waste of money. But then I tried it one day. I put two euros into the machine and of course, I didn't think I was going to win anything that day but I said just let me try it. 


The next day she went again, so I decided to go with her. This time I put five euros in and I won like 50 Quid. I thought that I won the lottery. After that, it kind of became a habit to go every day or at least when we had the money, I wasn't working at the time. 


I was on social welfare so I was trying not to spend too much money down there but it became a thing where we go in and spend like five or ten euros and I thought I was in control of it but it very quickly became a point where I wouldn't have control about how much money I put in and I was living for the win Living For The Spins For the free games. Living for the bonuses, just feeding the money into the machines over and over again until I had nothing left.


I remember being in almost a trance while I was doing this, my life at that time wasn't exactly the best and I was quite depressed. I had very low points in my life and had tried to kill myself numerous times within that space of time but for somehow sitting at a machine or multiple machines and just feeding it money and seeing those Line Spin and spin and spin, it just got me out of feeling and put me into a hypnotic state where for that moment or those few hours, I didn't think of anything else but what I was doing. 


It was a relief until I had no money left. I had to wait a whole f****** week to make money. Then I started to borrow money to go down, so I ended up owing a lot of money. I paid that back so that I wouldn't owe too much. 


I tried to control myself so I would try not to go down there for a couple of weeks but something always happened and I would get stressed and then I would have to go down again. 



Some days were f****** good because I'd win the jackpot or you know I'd win a nice amount of money 3 or 4 thousand you know, and things will be really good, but that money would go straight back into the machines.

 

I rarely bought myself anything, I kept that money for food or whatever to pay my rent but also to go back into the machines, I mean nobody tells you that but when you go into these places I mean they have free coffee and free biscuits. All those kinds of things pretty much live inside there if you have to. 


I just got so addicted to it.

 

Then comes online gambling and new online casinos they were to my detriment. I didn't even have to leave the f****** house to play and I would have my phone with me and I'd have it Stuck to me and I wouldn't have it out of my hand I won 25,000 over to space of a couple of days and I thought "Wooo! I can go start a new life leave Ireland and move on with my life 25000 was good start-up money". 


That didn't happen but I did buy a TV for myself and a few other things. What happened next? I blew the whole f****** a lot of it again. It's like I couldn't get enough. I couldn't stop and then I just kept pouring more money into these machines trying to get the same high that I had gotten the first time I had won. It's crazy! 


Now I am trying my best to fight the call,  but I find when I'm feeling at my lowest I find it so hard to stay out of a casino even though I feel really bad. I feel depressed I feel suicidal sometimes.


There is very little support for people who are gamblers and when you're trying to look it up online all you get is online casinos, which is going to the opposite of what I want to do. So, I'm finding it quite tough at the moment. 


I am very very lucky that I have a very supportive partner in my life and he tries his very very best to not freak out when I have a slip. He does try his best to find ways for me to keep my brain occupied. He does control the cash for now and I prefer it that way because I have no impulse control when it comes to these things but I will get there 



By Anon


Here are some links I have found helpful



Gamblers Anonymous (GA)

https://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/


Understanding Gamblers Anonymous by Recovery Resources

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-b5kxXS_e0


Comments

  1. Anonymous21 April 2023 at 16:08

    What you just wrote is me , I'm still addicted to gambling in a massive way but I fuck up and realise I fucked up and stop , I have that kinda cop on after the fact , spend few weeks
    trying to paying back what I owe and stay away till some hot tip or somebody is on a winning streak I go with them 🤔 it's a weird but thrilling feeling winning but when I lose I lose big and that to me is my determination

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous21 April 2023 at 16:35

      Totally understand it it's the hardest thing in the world to say no

      Delete
  2. Anonymous23 April 2023 at 14:23

    This is the situation of many young people

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meanfully Blogs28 April 2023 at 18:53

      It is a tough one. If you know someone who is struggling you can share the links.

      Delete

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